Enjoy :)

Published May 14, 2010 by anny1with1life

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever

************

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I’d be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

************

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping

Pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

************

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push…!!!

************

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice

*********************************************************************************************************************************

Mr. Gates and the Genie

Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle in the surf.

He pulls out the cork and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “I have been trapped for 100 years. As a reward you can make a wish.”

Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage. Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of the Middle East. This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years. What I wish for is peace in the Middle East.

The Genie replies, “I don’t know I can do a lot, but this? Don’t you have another wish?”

Bill Gates thinks and finally says, OK. The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes. I wish you would make everybody love us.

The Genie says; Let me see that map again.

********************************************************************

The Boss

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present..

The next day he went to the pet shop and saw

three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was Rs. 2500.

"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?

"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000,

responds the clerk.

"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.

The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,

but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.

The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."

Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this

bird’s specialty was.

The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven’t seen him do anything.

But the other two call him *"BOSS"!!

***************************************************************************

I Quit Drinking

A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, “You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time.” The man replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I’m here in London. When they left home, we promised that we’ll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss.”

The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs…. “Oh, no,” he, said, “Everyone’s fine – both my brothers are alive”. The only thing is I just quit drinking…!!!

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